October 2025
Staff Retreat Summary
Our two-day training outlined a discipleship model focused on developing right-brain relational and emotional maturity to live and love more like Jesus. It begins with foundational practices like the Gratitude Soak and Quieting Exercises to build a base of relational joy and rest. From there, it addresses how our relational circuits shut down under stress, leading to destructive "Enemy Modes," and provides tools for recovery, including a four-step personal process and the key skill of Validation & Consolation (VCR) for helping others. These skills culminate in The Immanuel Process, a guided method for healing trauma by reprocessing painful memories with Jesus's presence. The consistent application of these practices builds emotional resilience, connecting our six core emotions to joy and transforming us into people who can love well even under challenging situations.
Session One
Right-Brain Discipleship
This summary outlines the core concepts and practices presented by Michael during his training session. The goal is to equip the staff with a new framework for discipleship focused on relational and emotional maturity.
The Big Idea: Training the Other Half of the Brain
The central theme is that our current discipleship models excel at training the left brain (logic, words, doctrine, strategy) but often neglect the right brain (relational connection, emotional maturity, non-verbal communication, identity). Character formation, however, is primarily a right-brain task. To become people who truly love like Jesus—especially loving our enemies—we must intentionally train the relational and emotional part of our brains that learns not from lectures, but through practice and example.
Core Concepts
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1
The Spanish Lesson Analogy
The training compared learning relational skills to learning a language. "Free Spanish" is learned naturally in childhood, while "Studied Spanish" must be learned intentionally as an adult through focused practice.
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2
The Goal of Discipleship is Love
The ultimate aim is to become a people who love like Jesus loves. Every practice and teaching should be a means to that end.
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3
Relational Joy: The Fuel for Maturity
Joy is the foundational right-brain skill, defined as "what I feel in my body when I can tell that you are happy to be with me." It's the secure connection that allows us to be "glad to be with each other" even in difficult emotions.
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4
The Joy-Rest Cycle: The Rhythm of Love
A healthy brain operates on a rhythm of high-energy connection (Joy) and low-energy recovery (Rest). Learning this rhythm is the foundation of a healthy attachment that doesn't lead to burnout.
Actionable Practices for Right-Brain Training
Practice 1: The Gratitude Soak (Building Joy)
This practice trains our brain to return to joy. Recall a grateful memory, give it a title, and "soak" in it for 3-5 minutes daily, noticing physical sensations and Jesus's presence.
Practice 2: The Quieting Exercises (Building Rest)
This practice trains our nervous system to calm itself on demand using techniques like tapping under the collarbone and the Moro Reflex, anchored with a calming verse.
Session Two
Relational Circuits and Recovery
The core concept is that our brain has relational circuits that shut down when overloaded. Our goal is to learn how to recognize when our circuits are off, know how to get them back on, and help others do the same.
Core Concepts
The Two "Enemy Modes" (Circuits Off)
Simple: Reactive state to make a problem go away (fix, blame, judge).
Intelligent: Strategic state to make the other person lose (plotting, manipulating).
Relational Mode (Circuits On)
The healthy alternative. Relationships feel more important than the problem. You feel curious and protective. Key words: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
Validation & Consolation (V&C): The Primary Tool
A two-step process to help others get their relational circuits back online. Validation: Letting the person know they are seen and heard. Consolation: Finding something to appreciate in spite of the problem to build resilience.
Actionable Practices for Recovery and Resilience
Practice 1: Getting Your Own Circuits Back On
A four-step process: 1. Shalom My Body (quieting exercises). 2. Shalom My Soul (talk to God about your feelings). 3. Lament with God. 4. Grow Appreciation.
Practice 2: How to Validate and Console (V&C)
1. Validate first (focus on their emotion). 2. Console second (offer appreciation). Avoid fixing, advising, or minimizing.
Session Three
Building Emotional Resilience
This session focuses on intentionally connecting the six big "unpleasant" emotions to our joy center through specific, repeatable practices, with the ultimate goal of maturing into people who can love well even when things are difficult.
Core Concepts
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1
Starting with Connection
Every ministry gathering should begin with practices that help people get their relational circuits online before diving into work.
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2
The Six Big Unpleasant Emotions
Our right brain is hardwired with six instantaneous, God-given signals: Sadness, Fear, Anger, Disgust, Shame, and Hopeless Despair. The goal is to regulate, not suppress them.
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Key Emotions for Ministry Leaders
Leaders must be particularly resilient in Shame (ministry is a high-shame environment) and Hopeless Despair (ministry presents problems too big for us).
Actionable Practices for Building Resilience
Interactive Gratitude
Journal your gratitude to God, then listen and journal His response. Share this verbatim in a group to strengthen "mutual mind" connection.
Mapping Emotional Resilience
Draw a "map" with joy at the center and the six emotions around it. Draw lines to represent how well you stay relational in each emotion. Share and tell stories.
VCR Role-Playing
Practice validating and consoling in small groups with mild, hypothetical struggles. Repetition makes the skill natural.
Session Four
The Immanuel Process for Healing
A practical, Christ-centered approach to healing trauma. The process integrates the previously discussed right-brain concepts into a concrete practice for discipleship, moving from theory to transformation.
Core Concepts
Two Types of Trauma
Trauma A: The absence of good things we needed.
Trauma B: The presence of bad things that were done to us.
How Trauma Gets Stuck
Trauma is incomplete suffering. When the brain's pain-processing pathway breaks down because we were alone in our suffering, the pain gets stored and becomes "triggerable."
The Purpose of Triggers
Triggers are useful information, like a "check engine" light for our soul, pointing to a specific, unhealed wound that the Holy Spirit is allowing us to bring to Jesus for healing.
Actionable Practice: The Immanuel Process for Healing Trauma
This is a guided journaling exercise to walk through an unprocessed memory while staying connected to Jesus. It systematically moves the memory through the brain's five relational levels.
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Step 0: Gratitude First (The Safety Prerequisite)
This is the most critical step. Use the gratitude soak to establish a strong connection with Jesus before addressing any painful memory. If you cannot sense His presence, do not proceed.
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The 5 Healing Steps (Journaling Jesus's Response)
- "I see you..." (Jesus validates what happened externally.)
- "I hear you..." (Jesus validates your internal thoughts and feelings.)
- "I understand how big this is for you..." (Jesus attunes to the pain and emotional impact.)
- "I'm glad to be with you and treat your weakness tenderly..." (Jesus provides His joyful, safe presence and re-establishes your identity.)
- "I can do something about what you're going through..." (Jesus offers His divine perspective, wisdom, and truth.)
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Final Step: Share It Out Loud
After journaling, read what you wrote out loud to a trusted friend, spouse, or small group to solidify the healing.